Happy Easter!

I should have known you guys were up to something when you came to visit! Thank you so much for my Easter bucket and card. I have the best family in the world! while I’m here I’m trying to figure out a way to freeze time so we could all just hang out for a while when I get home and nobody will be getting older and we won't miss work or a paycheck and we could have no worries. The closest I’ve gotten to my invention is the study of eternal life. The knowledge that I know I get the opportunity to be with my family forever. I have made so many wrong choices that I beat myself up for day in and day out, but because of Christ’s atonement and resurrection I know I have a second chance and a third chance and a fourth chance and an eternity of chances to make it right. And because of that I know I can be with my family forever and I’m so glad! I love you all very much! I miss you just the same! Happy Easter!

left questioning

Everyday I wonder the same question. For years and years, well it seems, but my mind is always changing. Every time I think I have finally figured it out. That I can finally stop asking and proceed to other questions and answers. The answers always change. A while back I though the answer to this question was charity, today it is humility. And yes that is my final answer along with all the other answers I have come up with so far and will come up with in later days.

What am I supposed to learn from this life? That is the question. Once you step 6 states out of your comfort zone you learn humility. And wow what a lesson that is. Ask my mom, but when I was a little girl I was always right. She would say I still am but it’s not true, I’m just right most of the time (I like to pretend) that’s why I’ve turned into such a quiet girl, the less I say the less I have to be right about. ;) Well right now I feel like my brain was scraped clean and I am learning all new things. Like how to plan meals and snacks and drinks for a family I’m just starting to get to know and hope they like the diet. It’s better not to look at their plates after dinner to see how much they ate. Just better not to know and hope they’ll like the next nights dinner. Have you ever heard of Maslow’s pyramid? Food is on the first level. They’ll eventually get so hungry that anything I fix they will like. This brings me to my next order of business. How do I answer questions like… who was the general … what battle and in what war … what color hair does his nephew have… and he owned how many acres in what city of what state…? I HAVE NO IDEA?? HELP! When I was in elementary school nobody told me I’d actually be quizzed on this stuff. When I become a teacher and somebody uses the most used question on me “when will we really use this in life?” I will tell them it is because there will be kids that will ask them those same questions and they are going to feel really dumb when they don’t know the answers. Now I wonder if that will really make them listen or not? If not their kids will teach them again later.

Life is our best teacher. Life never turns out how you want it to and even if it does it wasn’t quite how you pictured it. That’s just life’s way of teaching you just another lesson. Weather you learn it or not the lessons remain. I look forward and also dread my next lesson.

Never satisfied

When I was a young girl I always wanted to be older, wanted to do everything myself, show everyone that I was OLD enough to do everything. Even up until recently I looked at my siblings wishing I could do the things they were doing. Thinking they were doing those things because they were old enough to and that is what gave them permission. so I thought of things I could do that would convince myself I was doing something that out smarted the rules of even gravity. But the closest I got to that feeling was swinging on my swings. Now I feel like I missed childhood all together or have begun the forgetting process. I don't know why. The amount of times I jumped on the bed is a normal number, I broke a bone that is normal for a child. I have made best friends and have lost best friends. I’ve spent summers on the tramp, swings and in the pool. I’ve played with bubbles, ate ants and fly’s, laughed and cried, so why do I feel like I missed so much?!

I now live in Michigan with a family I met a week ago and they are the coolest people with the cutest, sweetest kids. But I think childhood requires your family. I’m all grown up now. not because I’m 19, not because I’m graduated from high school, not because I have my associates degree but because my mom isn't here when I wake up in the morning, or when I walked in the door, she doesn't come sit in the room where I am just to wait for me to tell me about her day. She doesn't even have to ask. Who new I was such a mama's girl until I moved out. Thank goodness for phones and emails and Skype.

Thank you mom, I don't know if I can truly tell you how much you mean to me. I can write or say a billion words and I still can't comprehend me saying it right. You are the most selfless person I know. You go to bed at midnight and get up at 3, you drop everything to help anyone, and even just your presence is so comforting. I love you mom!

I don't really know what to say on here. i'm just testing it out.