Never satisfied

When I was a young girl I always wanted to be older, wanted to do everything myself, show everyone that I was OLD enough to do everything. Even up until recently I looked at my siblings wishing I could do the things they were doing. Thinking they were doing those things because they were old enough to and that is what gave them permission. so I thought of things I could do that would convince myself I was doing something that out smarted the rules of even gravity. But the closest I got to that feeling was swinging on my swings. Now I feel like I missed childhood all together or have begun the forgetting process. I don't know why. The amount of times I jumped on the bed is a normal number, I broke a bone that is normal for a child. I have made best friends and have lost best friends. I’ve spent summers on the tramp, swings and in the pool. I’ve played with bubbles, ate ants and fly’s, laughed and cried, so why do I feel like I missed so much?!

I now live in Michigan with a family I met a week ago and they are the coolest people with the cutest, sweetest kids. But I think childhood requires your family. I’m all grown up now. not because I’m 19, not because I’m graduated from high school, not because I have my associates degree but because my mom isn't here when I wake up in the morning, or when I walked in the door, she doesn't come sit in the room where I am just to wait for me to tell me about her day. She doesn't even have to ask. Who new I was such a mama's girl until I moved out. Thank goodness for phones and emails and Skype.

Thank you mom, I don't know if I can truly tell you how much you mean to me. I can write or say a billion words and I still can't comprehend me saying it right. You are the most selfless person I know. You go to bed at midnight and get up at 3, you drop everything to help anyone, and even just your presence is so comforting. I love you mom!